Adoption. Beautiful yet Harrowing. 

When you open websters dictionary to the word Heartbreak it should read Adoption. Can you imagine how much loss is involved when one woman gives up a baby she carried in her womb for 9 months to another woman who never conceived at all?

One woman patiently waits years for her turn to get pregnant. She waits to see those two pink lines on a stick or the flutter of a first kick. She waits for morning sickness and swollen breasts. She waits to see her belly swell and take those bump pics. She waits for something that comes so easy to others. She waits for her turn to be mama..  While another woman realizes she missed her period and is pregnant by mistake. -Heartbreak

She isn’t ready for another child. She can’t take care of two kids. She can’t believe there are 2 pink lines. She starts to see her belly grow wondering how she will provide for this child growing inside her. Should she keep it? Should she deal with it? She she give it up? The guilt, the shame, the panic. She decides what is best for her unborn child is to place it with a woman who can’t carry her own. She’s read her story and seen her struggle, so she offers up her child with grace. -Heartbreak

I want you to know that the sacrifice you are making does not go unnoticed. What you are doing for me and my husband is monumental. You are giving us a gift for which we can never repay you & in turn we have nothing to offer. You are giving me something that until now was unattainable for me. I could not see the end of the tunnel. There was no light there for me shining to light the way. I was bitter, angry, jealous and confused. Then you showed up in my life like God just picked you up and sat you in front of me. You changed my outlook on life. You gave me a reason to smile everyday. You showed me what being selfless really means. You chose me, & for that I am eternally grateful. I can’t imagine what you go thru on a daily basis. What it is like to grow a child for 9 months knowing it is for another family. I see your struggle. I see the emotion in your eyes and I can see the heartbreak that is building under the surface. Thinking about your decision. Wondering if it was the right one. Arguing with yourself to see the good in the situation when you feel like changing your mind.. & I worry you will do just that. I worry everyday that you will change your mind. I worry that you will regret your decision. I worry how you will feel after she is born. I worry that you will later think you made a mistake by choosing me. I worry she will later choose you and not me. I worry that I will never be enough for her. I worry she will always be missing something in her life, you. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to punch something really hard. I feel out of control. I feel helpless. I feel scared.. & then I choose to worship instead of worry. I force myself to see the beauty in our situation. I call out to God. Take these thoughts from me. I lay them at your feet. Give me the right words to say when she has questions. Give me the tools to be a good mother. Give her peace of mind and comfort in her decision. Make me enough. I know He hears me. I know He is listening & then it hits me.. God doesn’t make mistakes & I know that none of this would even be possible without Him so how could I worry? People can try to explain Him away with circumstances, right place right time, but I know better. I know He has a greater plan for us all. He put you in our lives for a reason. 

I want you to know that she will ALWAYS know how much you love her. She will ALWAYS know what an amazing woman you are and how you opened your heart and allowed God to use you to bless us. She will ALWAYS know you wanted what was best for her. She will ALWAYS know you wanted her. She will ALWAYS know that you made this decision because it was Gods plan for our lives. She will grow up knowing who you are and where you are. She will know the strength you showed during this process and how difficult it was for you to gift her to us. She will NEVER question your love for her because I will remind her everyday. 

How lucky is she that she has so many wonderful people in this world who will love her and care for her. I can’t thank you enough for entrusting her to me. I promise to teach her right from wrong. I promise to protect her. I promise to teach her about God & I promise I will love her everyday of her life. I promise to do my best. Thank you for giving me this most precious gift. Thank you for giving me grace, Magnolia Grace.


 

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3 thoughts on “Adoption. Beautiful yet Harrowing. 

  1. Retha says:

    Tuesday i read this with tears flowing down my cheeks. I want you to know how proud i’m of you because you are truly amazing. Yes God did have all of this planned for you and Josh he had to hand pick the angel he would send to you to make this happen and you know he will always answer our prayers the way he wants it to be and when. God Bless the sweet angel that will be giving you that little angel from above Magnolia Grace. Love you sweetheart and im so happy for you and Josh. Love you💜💜

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Tamera Shearon says:

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. When you write this as a blog for many people to read, you truly never know who it will reach and whom it will mean the most too. My daughter is Jessica Shearon, who as you know is expecting to adopt this month. But without taking away from what my daughter is experiencing right now and what you and her and all the expecting parents that are or have been experiencing the same desperation and pain of infertility, I hope you realize that your words will and have fallen upon and touched those who have put a child up for adoption. Words they may have never heard before but quite possibly for the first time in 30 or 40 years they finally hear what they have done is not in vain and will not ever be forgotten, not by you, the birth parents and definitely not by God. Your thankfulness is the assurance, your gratification fills that empty void of never knowing what happened after that very birthday. It no longer matters near as much what she is doing now or how well she is doing, what matters is knowing that she is loved so much and with that you know she is growing up just the way you wanted her to. Perfectly loved….for most, I promise you, that is enough. Thank you God Bless You and your Family

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You simply are amazing beyond words. I know God had a plan for me. I just wished I could have had your grace and took it in stride and appreciated what I have been given. I found myself looking to fill that need and want in all the wrong places and things. You truly are the epitome of what grace, love and heart are. I pray for you daily.

    Liked by 1 person

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